Dear Lily,
Oh how much I love you. Every day I thank our Heavenly Father that he sent you into
our home and every day I plead with him that I will be a good enough Mommy to
take care of you and raise you to be the best person you can possibly
become. I want to give the world
to you, and right now I will start by telling you about the day you were
born.
When I became pregnant with you I was so ecstatic. I just KNEW that you were going to be a
girl. I wanted to keep a journal
and write in it every single day my thoughts about you coming to our home. But a series of unfortunate events
happened, and I never got around to it.
Not because we were busy, which we were, but because I was a little
angry with God. I was upset
because of all we had going on that kept on hitting us one after another after
another. I was mostly upset
because we had a lot going on and I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to provide the very best to you
and therefore I was so afraid that if I kept a journal and wrote to you each
day it would be about me complaining and venting, instead of me being positive
and uplifting. I didn’t want you
reading anything that wasn’t optimistic and encouraging. So I refrained from writing to
you. It is the biggest regret I
have. And, you know what little girl?
I would go through it all over again – with even worse trials – just to
have you come into my home. The
instant you were born the spirit has been extremely strong and present in our
family and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. You are a miracle, and you have blessed our home in
incredible ways. So thank you for
helping to restore my faith in Heavenly Father and His Plan again.
Both your Daddy and I were working hard before you
arrived. We were working to make sure that you had everything you need. I was mainly working to keep busy because I was so anxious
about when you would arrive. I was
certain that you would come early (maybe not certain, but extremely optimistic
that you would arrive early). I
really had no idea when your due date was, but I just had a feeling that you
would come on Groundhogs Day (February 2). And Groundhogs Day came and Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow
and the only news we got was that there would be 6 more weeks of winter. No news of you coming at all. But I kept on working. In fact, I worked up until the day
before you came. On Sunday night,
I tossed and turned all night with severe anxiety about whether I should go to
work on Monday. I decided an extra
$100 or so couldn’t hurt, so I went in – but it was too much for me, so I let
them know on February 11, 2013 that it would be my last day. I honestly thought that after my last
doctor appointment that you would be coming on the 15th of
February. So I planned my days out
accordingly to keep me busy.
Tuesday would be “craft day”.
Wednesday would be “baking day”.
Thursday would be “sleep as much as possible day”. And you would arrive
on Friday.
At my previous appointment (on February 8) I was told I was
only 1.5 cm and 60-70% effaced and you weren’t coming any time soon. I was also told that I would have to
come in twice next week for “stress tests” to make sure that you had the fluid
and comfort that you needed since you were now “officially” overdue. Since I was so emotional after my last
appointment, I decided to bring along your Grandma for emotional support. I felt I needed someone there to
console me with whatever the outcome was.
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| About 2 days before you came and I'm wondering when our little "Biedronka" will come. |
The first test went well – you still had enough fluids and
were just comfy inside my tummy.
The second tests didn’t go so well. Apparently it showed that I was having contractions, of
which I didn’t feel a thing. The
first contraction I had, while hooked up to the monitor, you didn’t like it and
your little heart rate went down.
It wasn’t like you were in trouble, but it made the lady nervous. She immediately went up and showed our
doctor your results. Jennifer (Dr.
Kinghorn) came down and the first thing that she said to me was “You’re going
to have a baby today.” And
explained that they were going to wheel me down to Labor & Delivery to
start the induction process. I was
not allowed to go home to gather any belongings, nor was I allowed to even
walk. My only response to Jennifer
was: “Well, at least I shaved my legs and washed my hair this morning.” I was
in complete shock – I was going to meet you in less than 24 hours!
They wheeled me down to Labor & Delivery – asked me a
million questions – set up my room and introduced me to my L&D Nurse that
would be taking care of me until her shift ended at 7. I was extremely impressed with the
amount of care that the nurses showed at St. Marks Hospital. Jennifer also came in and explained
that they were going to do a “soft induction” by giving me cervidil. This would take about 12 hours to
soften my cervix. Once my cervix was
100% effaced, they would give me Patosin that would throw me into having
contractions and cause my cervix to dilate and allow you to come into the
world. The plan was to start at
noon, get Patosin at midnight, and hopefully you would arrive before noon the
next day.
Your daddy was still at work. I told him to finish out the day – that this would be a long
process – but… he said he couldn’t focus at work and ended up coming to my
bedside at around 3:00. It was a
blessing to have him there, but the instant he arrived is when I really started
to feel discomfort (aka contractions).
In essence, I guess that all my body needed was a little
jump start to helping me go into labor.
After 4 hours of a soft-induction, they were ready to start the
Patosin. Life was really pleasant
and nice until I got the Patosin.
Up until this point, I was still having contractions and not feeling
them, but they were coming often enough and I was effaced enough that we were
ready to take it up a notch. I
started to hurt and asked for a dose of medicine that made me really
loopy. I’ m pretty sure that I
said some unkind things to the nurses helping me, and I feel terrible for that,
but I can’t recall exactly what things I said. Your daddy just said that he had to take over and handle all
the questioning so that I wouldn’t say something I later regretted.
As the pain increased, I would just squeeze and squeeze your
Daddy’s hand. He stayed there by
my side. I couldn’t have asked for
more from him. He is such a good
man, and I’m so glad that he is your daddy because with how good he takes care
of me, I know that he will only take care of you 100 times better!
In fact, your daddy is such a funny man that while I took a
nap, he decided to watch the “State of the Union Address” by President Obama. He wants to make sure that you know
that you came the same night our President addressed the Nation with, what he
felt, was important issues.
Afterwards, the Nurse noticed my contractions went away – which wasn’t
good. So they broke my water. Boy was that a weird feeling. But once again, sweetheart, you didn’t
like that and they had to re-pump water back up inside me to make sure that you
were comfortable and happy. I was
terrified that with how temperamental you were being that I was going to have
to have a C-Section.
After I got an epidural, I was in Heaven and took a 3 hour
nap. The Nurse, JoDee, was
incredible. When she first
introduced herself to me, I judged her.
That is terrible to say, but I don’t think it was her appearance, but
more of her straightforwardness (usually which I appreciate immensely but at
the time didn’t want to hear anything from anyone because I was hurting). I think it was mostly the pain and the
loopy medicine that made me not want a nurse at all. But I think that there were Angels up above looking out for
me that sent her to help me for a reason.
I couldn’t have asked for a more kind, patient, loving person to take
care of me than JoDee. She helped
me really breathe through my contractions, she turned me every 45 minutes once
I had my epidural since I couldn’t use my legs very well, and she helped me be
really brave and courageous through the whole Labor & Delivery
process. I feel like she deserves
extra blessings for such a wonderful job of really taking phenomenal care of
me!
At 2:45 she came into check on me, and told me I was at 9.5
centimeters and that we would start pushing in about 45 minutes… so to get more
sleep. I couldn't sleep at all after this point, and I don't know if it was the medicine still - but I could have sworn there was a cat meowing outside our window and from the cat keeping me awake, I really felt like I had to go to the bathroom. After about 20 minutes, I
felt like I couldn’t take it any longer and I rang for JoDee and told her that
I really had to go to the bathroom and asked if she could help me out with my
situation. She laughed and said,
“You’re hooked up to a catheter.” And I tried to discreetly say it was a "number
two"... JoDee then said, that
feeling was the baby and that we were ready to push. I panicked and told her that we needed to call Jennifer to
come back in – of which JoDee told me that we would be pushing for over an hour
before we called her to come back and deliver you.
So, my first push was around 3:20 or 3:25 and after that
JoDee told me, “I’ll be back, we’re calling Dr. Kinghorn.” She said that in that one push I did
what normally takes first time mothers over an hour to do. I felt terrible for Dr. Kinghorn. The last time I saw her was at 12:30 and
here it was 3:30 and we were summoning her back. The poor lady only got about 2 hours of sleep. But she was a SAINT because she came in
just for you on her day off! She
was just as excited to meet you as I was.
I pushed for about 40 minutes until you came. JoDee was a great coach and your Daddy
kept telling me that he saw the top of your head and that you were almost
here. After a little snip-snip you
came shooting out into the world at 4:12 a.m. Michal says that Jennifer’s face was ultra concentrated as she scooped
you up under your arms and cleared your airways. He says her face just lit up and it made him ultra excited
to be the next one to hold you.
However, they placed you on my chest. I couldn’t see your precious face, only the top of your
head, but I started crying because you were just in Heaven, and now you were
here with me. I can’t describe the
feeling of meeting you for the first time. I rubbed your head and just felt an overwhelmingly powerful
spirit fill the room. It was like
your Heavenly Father placed you in my arms vicariously through an amazing
doctor. Before, I could never
understand why people wanted to be an OB/GYN doctors (or equivalent of nurses),
but after you came into this world I can completely understand why. They get to feel that powerful spirit
everyday. What a blessing to
literally feel so close to heaven.
Your daddy followed you around and took pictures and made
sure that you were okay. At 8 pounds 8 ounces & 19.5 inches and an incredible APGAR score of 8 and then 9, we were happy that you were a strong healthy baby. About 30 minutes later I got to hold
you and see how truly beautiful you were.
And I’m not just sayin’ that either. Most babies aren’t very becoming – but you were so
incredibly beautiful that I just couldn’t stop smiling. As I held you, your Daddy and I
discussed what your name would be.
We narrowed it down to two choices: Lily Kasia or Zosia Jennifer. But
you just looked more like a Lily.
I truly hope you love your name.
It has weighed heavily on my heart as to whether it’s the best name for
you or not. Does it fit you? Am I just paranoid? I second-guess myself a lot, but this
is a huge decision so I hope you understand it was a difficult decision but one
that we felt was best for you.
Let me tell you how we picked your name. Lilies are my favorite flower. Absolute favorite – and your daddy
wanted to name you Lily because every time he brought flowers home for me, they
would also be for you. Kasia is my
name in Polish and we wanted you to have a piece of Poland with you always. We also liked the names: Abigail, Simone, Claire, Zosia, and Elly. However, at that moment we narrowed it down to two names and Zosia Jennifer almost trumped the name
you received. Here’s why: Zosia is your great-grandmothers name
who encountered a lot of hardship during WWII and has incredible stories to
share. It would have been the
piece of Poland we wanted you to carry, but we would have called you Zoe. Jennifer was going to be your middle
name after the doctor that delivered you.
This woman is incredible in every aspect of her life and someone that
both your daddy and I really respect and admire greatly. She first met your daddy when she was
serving a mission in Poland and was assigned to Wroclaw. She taught your daddy the gospel of
Jesus Christ and he was baptized thanks to her hard work and effort. If it wasn’t for her, I never would
have met your daddy and would most likely still be a single lady trying to
figure her life out through therapy sessions. Later, Jennifer kept in contact with your daddy throughout
the years and helped him to retain his testimony and keep it strong. Not only does your daddy love her, but
he loves her husband for the support and love he’s shown to Michal as
well. Lily, when we first found
out we were pregnant, it was hard for the Polish doctors to answer all my
questions in English (and I had so many of them)… so the very first person who found
out about you was Jennifer Kinghorn.
We called her on a Sunday and for over an hour she answered every
question I had and helped calm me down about the whole situation. It was her countenance and approach
that helped me to be excited to have you come into our life, compared to the
nervousness I was feeling. Once we
came back into the United States, we both felt that it would only be
appropriate if we asked her to be our Doctor. When she said yes, I cried and Michal felt like it was the
first prayer he had that was answered in a long time. We were thrilled that someone who cared so much for your
Daddy was going to be the very first person to meet you. She has had a special place in our
hearts and for that reason we wanted to give you her name. I was almost certain you were going to
be a Zosia Jennifer – but when we looked at you - we just felt you looked more like a Lily.
Lily, your daddy & I love you so much. We want you to know that we will do
whatever we can to give you the very best possible in life. We want you to succeed and love life to
the fullest. We also want you to
know that there are so many people who also love you. You have had so many people on FaceBook give you compliments
about how beautiful you are. But
if you ever run into trouble, remember those people who played a special part
in your birth and know that you can always count on them. Your grandparents and aunts &
uncles love you also. So many
people love you and would do just as much for you as we would, so don’t ever be
afraid to open your heart and love them back. Love is a scary thing, and opening your heart is a scary
thing, but as you do – the blessings outweigh the trials and heartaches. Remember that you are a daughter of our
Heavenly Father and he loves you even more than I do. As you grow up, I hope that you remember just one
thing: How many people love
you. Because there is no greater
blessing than to truly feel of someone’s love.
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| Grandma & Grandpa Dedrickson |
Aunt Bridgett + Uncle Sam & Aunt Fatima + Uncle Ben
